VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL1
Turning inward toward the real
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL1
Turning inward toward the real
OH LOTUS-EYED
ONE, SWEET OF TOUCH, WHEN SINGING, SEEING, TASTING, BE AWARE YOU ARE AND
DISCOVER THE EVER-LIVING.
WHEREVER SATISFACTION IS FOUND, IN WHATEVER ACT, ACTUALIZE THIS.
AT THE POINT OF SLEEP, WHEN THE SLEEP HAS NOT YET COME AND THE EXTERNAL
WAKEFULNESS VANISHES, AT THIS POINT BEING IS REVEALED.
ILLUSIONS DECEIVE, COLORS CIRCUMSCRIBE, EVEN DIVISIBLES ARE INDIVISIBLE.
Civilization is a training in how to become unreal. Tantra is the reverse
process -- how to prevent yourself from becoming unreal, and if you have
already become unreal, how to touch the reality which is hidden within you,
how to contact it again, how to be again real. The first thing to be
understood is how we go on becoming unreal, and once this process is
understood many things change immediately. The very understanding becomes
mutation.
Man is born undivided. He is neither a body nor a mind. He is born
undivided, as one individual. He is both body and mind. Even to say that he
is both is wrong. He is body-mind. Body and mind are two aspects of his
being, not two divisions -- two polarities of something which we may call
life, energy or anything -- X,Y,Z -- but body and mind are not two things.
The very process of civilization, education, culture, conditioning, starts
with the division. Everyone is taught that he is two, not one, and then, of
course, one begins to be identified with the mind and not with the body. The
very thinking process becomes your center and the thinking process is just a
periphery. It is not the center because you can exist without thinking. Once
you existed without thinking: thinking is not a necessity to exist. If you
go deep in meditation YOU will be, and there will be no thinking. If you
become unconscious YOU will be, but there will be no thinking. Moving into
deep sleep YOU will be, but there will be no thinking. Thinking is just on
the periphery; your being is somewhere else -- deeper than thinking. But you
are being taught continuously that you are two, body and mind, and that,
really, you are the mind and you possess the body. The mind becomes the
master and body becomes the slave, and you go on struggling against the body.
This creates a rift, a gap, and that gap is the problem. All neurosis is
born out of that gap; all anxiety is born out of that gap.
Your being is rooted in your body, and your body is not just something
separate from existence. It is part of it. Your body is the whole universe.
It is not something limited, finite. You may not have observed it, but try
to observe where your body really ends -- where! Do you think that your body
ends where your skin ends?
If the sun which is so far away just goes dead, instantly you will be dead
here. If the sun rays stop coming, you will be no more here. Your body
cannot exist without the sun being there so far away. The sun and you are
somehow deeply related. The sun must be included in your body; otherwise you
cannot exist. You are part of its rays.
In the morning you see flowers open: their opening is really the rising of
the sun. In the night they will close: their closing is the setting of the
sun. They are just rays that are spread out. You exist here because there,
so far away, the sun exists. Your skin is not really your skin. Your skin
goes on spreading; even the sun is included. You are breathing: you can
breathe because the air is there, the atmosphere is there. Each moment you
exhale and inhale the atmosphere in and out.
If for a single moment there were no air, you would be dead. Your breath is
your life. If your breath is your life, then the whole atmosphere is part of
you. You cannot exist without it. So where does your body really end? Where
is the limit? There is no limit! If you observe, if you go deep, you will
find there is no limit. Or, the limit of the universe is your body limit.
The whole universe is involved in you, so your body is not just your body;
it is your universe and you are grounded in it. Your mind too cannot exist
without the body. It is part of it, a process of it.
Division is destructive, and with the division you are bound to become
identified with the mind. You think, and without thinking there is no
division. You think, and you become identified with your thinking. Then you
feel as if you possess the body. This is a complete reversal of the truth.
You do not possess the body; neither is the body possessing you. They are
not two things. Your existence is one, a deep harmony of opposite poles. But
opposite poles are not divided, they are joined together. Only then can they
become opposite poles. And the opposition is good. It gives challenge, it
gives stamina, it creates energy. It is dialectical.
If you were really one, without opposite poles within, you would be dull
and dead. These two opposite poles, body and mind, give you life. They are
opposite and at the same time complementary -- and basically and ultimately
one. One current of energy runs in both. But once we get identified with the
thinking process, we think that we are centered in the head. If your legs
are cut, you will not feel that YOU are cut. You will say, "My legs are cut."
But if your head is cut, YOU are cut. You are murdered.
If you close your eyes to feel where you are, immediately you will feel you
are in your head. You are not there -- because when for the first moment you
entered life in your mother's womb, when the male and female atoms met,
there was no head. But life was started. You were there, and there was no
head. In that first meeting of two alive cells, you were created. The head
came later on, but your being was there. Where is that being? It is not in
your head. Really, it is nowhere -- or everywhere in your body. It is
nowhere; you cannot pinpoint where it is. And the moment you pinpoint it you
miss the whole thing. It is everywhere. Your life is everywhere, it is
spread out all over you. And not only all over you; if you follow it, you
will have to go to the very ends of the universe. It is everywhere!
With the identification that "I am my mind," everything becomes false. You
become unreal because this identity is false. This has to be broken. Tantra
techniques are to break down this identity. The effort of tantra is to make
you headless, uncentered, everywhere or nowhere. And why does humanity, why
do human beings become false and unreal with the mind? Because mind is an
epiphenomenon -- a process which is necessary, useful, but secondary; a
process which consists of words, not of realities. The word `love' is not
love, the word `god' is not God. But mind consists of words, of a verbal
process, and then love itself becomes less significant than the word `love'.
For the mind, the word is more significant. God becomes less significant
than the word `God'. For the mind it is so. Words become more meaningful,
significant. They become primary, and we start living in words. And the more
you live in words the more shallow you become, and you will go on missing
the reality which is not words. Reality is existence.
Living in the mind is as if someone is living in a mirror. In the night, if
you go to a lake and the lake is silent and there are no ripples, the lake
becomes a mirror. You can look at the moon in the lake, but that moon is
false -- just a reflection. The reflection comes from the real, but the
reflection is not real. Mind is just a reflecting phenomenon. The reality is
reflected in it, but reflections are not real. And if you get caught in
reflections, you will miss reality completely. That is why, with the mind,
with mind reflections, everything wavers. A slight wave, a slight wind, will
disturb your mind. Reality is not disturbed, but the mind is disturbed by
anything. Mind is a reflecting phenomenon, and we are living in mind.
Tantra says come down. Descend from your thrones, come down from your heads.
Forget the reflections and move towards the reality. All the techniques
which we are discussing are concerned with this: how to be away from the
mind so that you can move into reality. Now we will discuss the techniques.
The first technique:
"OH LOTUS-EYED ONE, SWEET OF TOUCH, WHEN SINGING, SEEING, TASTING, BE AWARE
YOU ARE AND DISCOVER THE EVERLIVING."
We are living, but we are not aware that we are or that we are living.
There is no self-remembering. You are eating or you are taking a bath or you
are taking a walk: you are not aware that you are while walking. Everything
is, only you are not. The trees, the houses, the traffic, everything is. You
are aware of everything around you, but you are not aware of your own being
-- that you are. You may be aware of the whole world, but if you are not
aware of yourself that awareness is false. Why? Because your mind can
reflect everything, but your mind cannot reflect you. If you are aware of
yourself, then you have transcended the mind.
Your self-remembering cannot be reflected in your mind because you are
behind the mind. It can reflect only things which are in front of it. You
can just see others, but you cannot see yourself. Your eyes can see everyone,
but your eyes cannot see themselves. If you want to see yourself you will
need a mirror. Only in the mirror can you see yourself, but then you will
have to stand in front of the mirror. If your mind is a mirror, it can
reflect the whole world. It cannot reflect you because you cannot stand
before it. You are always behind, hidden behind the mirror.
This technique says while doing anything -- singing, seeing, tasting -- be
aware that you are and discover the ever-living, and discover within
yourself the current, the energy, the life, the ever-living. But we are not
aware of ourselves.
Gurdjieff used self-remembering as a basic technique in the West. The self-remembering
is derived from this sutra. The whole Gurdjieffian system is based on this
one sutra. Remember yourself, whatsoever you are doing. It is very difficult.
It looks very easy, but you will go on forgetting. Even for three or four
seconds you cannot remember yourself. You will have a feeling that you are
remembering, and suddenly you will have moved to some other thought. Even
with this thought that "Okay, I am remembering myself," you will have missed,
because this thought is not self-remembering. In self-remembering there will
be no thought; you will be completely empty. And self-remembering is not a
mental process. It is not that you say, "Yes, I am." Saying "Yes, I am," you
have missed. This is a mind thing, this is a mental process: "I am."
Feel "I am," not the words "I am." Don't verbalize, just feel that you are.
Don't think, FEEL! Try it. It is difficult, but if you go on insisting it
happens. While walking, remember you are, and have the feeling of your being,
not of any thought, not of any idea. Just feel. I touch your hand or I put
my hand on your head: don't verbalize. Just feel the touch, and in that
feeling feel not only the touch, but feel also the touched one. Then your
consciousness becomes double-arrowed.
You are walking under trees: the trees are there, the breeze is there, the
sun is rising. This is the world all around you; you are aware of it. Stand
for a moment and suddenly remember that you are, but don't verbalize. Just
feel that you are. This nonverbal feeling, even if for only a single moment,
will give you a glimpse -- a glimpse which no LSD can give you, a glimpse
which is of the real. For a single moment you are thrown back to the center
of your being. You are behind the mirror; you have transcended the world of
reflections; you are existential. And you can do it at any time. It doesn't
need any special place or any special time. And you cannot say, "I have no
time." When eating you can do it, when taking a bath you can do it, when
moving or sitting you can do it -- anytime. No matter what you are doing,
you can suddenly remember yourself, and then try to continue that glimpse of
your being.
It will be difficult. One moment you will feel it is there, the next moment
you will have moved away. Some thought will have entered, some reflection
will have come to you, and you will have become involved in the reflection.
But don't be sad and don't be disappointed. This is so because for lives
together we have been concerned with the reflections. This has become a
robot-like mechanism. Instantly, automatically, we are thrown to the
reflection. But if even for a single moment you have the glimpse, it is
enough for the beginning. And why is it enough? Because you will never get
two moments together. Only one moment is with you always. And if you can
have the glimpse for a single moment, you can remain in it. Only effort is
needed -- a continuous effort is needed.
A single moment is given to you. You cannot have two moments together, so
don't worry about two moments. You will always get only one moment. And if
you can be aware in one moment, you can be aware for your whole life. Now
only effort is needed, and this can be done the whole day. Whenever you
remember, remember yourself.
"OH LOTUS-EYED ONE, SWEET OF TOUCH, WHEN SINGING, SEEING, TASTING, BE AWARE
YOU ARE, AND DISCOVER THE EVER-LIVING:" When the sutra says "Be aware you
are", what will you do? Will you remember that, "My name is Ram" or "Jesus"
or something else? Will you remember that you belong to such and such a
family, to such and such a religion and tradition? To such and such a
country and caste and creed? Will you remember that you are a communist or a
Hindu or a Christian? What will you remember?
The sutra says be aware you are; it simply says "You are". No name is
needed, no country is needed. Let there be simple existence: you are! So
don't say to yourself who you are. Don't answer that, "I am this and that."
Let there be simple existence, that you are.
But it becomes difficult because we never remember simple existence. We
always remember something which is just a label, not existence itself.
Whenever you think about yourself, you think about your name, religion,
country, many things, but never the simple existence that you are.
You can practice this: relaxing in a chair or just sitting under a tree,
forget everything and feel this "you-areness." No Christian, no Hindu, no
Buddhist, no Indian, no Englishman, no German -- simply, you are. Have the
feeling of it, and then it will be easy for you to remember what this sutra
says: "BE AWARE YOU ARE, AND DISCOVER THE EVER-LIVING." And the moment you
are aware that you are, you are thrown into the current of the ever-living.
The false is going to die; only the real will remain.
That is why we are so much afraid of death: because the unreal is going to
die. The unreal cannot be forever, and we are attached to the unreal,
identified with the unreal. You as a Hindu will have to die; you as Ram or
Krishna will have to die; you as a communist, as an atheist, as a theist,
will have to die; you as a name and form will have to die. And if you are
attached to name and form, obviously the fear of death will come to you, but
the real, the existential, the basic in you, is deathless. Once the forms
and names are forgotten, once you have a look within to the nameless and the
formless, you have moved into the eternal.
"BE AWARE YOU ARE AND DISCOVER THE EVER-LIVING": This technique is one of
the most helpful, and it has been used for millennia by many teachers,
masters. Buddha used it, Mahavira used it, Jesus used it, and in modern
times Gurdjieff used it. Among all the techniques, this is one of the most
potential. Try it. It will take time; months will pass.
When Ouspensky was learning with Gurdjieff, for three months he had to make
much effort, arduous effort, in order to have a glimpse of what self-remembering
is. So continuously, for three months, Ouspensky lived in a secluded house
just doing only one thing -- self-remembering. Thirty persons started that
experiment, and by the end of the first week twenty-seven had escaped; only
three remained. The whole day they were trying to remember -- not doing
anything else, just remembering that "I am." Twenty-seven felt they were
going crazy. They felt that now madness was just near, so they escaped. They
never turned back; they never met Gurdjieff again.
Why? As we are, really, we are mad. Not remembering who we are, what we
are, we are mad, but this madness is taken as sanity. Once you try to go
back, once you try to contact the real, it will look like craziness, it will
look like madness. Compared to what we are, it is just the reverse, the
opposite. If you feel that this is sanity, that will look like madness.
But three persisted. One of the three was P. D. Ouspensky. For three months
they persisted. Only after the first month did they start having glimpses of
simply being -- of "I am." After the second month, even the "I" dropped, and
they started having the glimpses of "am-ness" -- of just being, not even of
"I", because "I" is also a label. The pure being is not "I" and "thou"; it
just is.
And by the third month even the feeling of "am-ness" dissolved because that
feeling of am-ness is still a word. Even that word dissolves. Then you are,
and then you know what you are. Before that point comes you cannot ask, "Who
am I?" Or you can go on asking continuously, "Who am I?", just continuously
inquiring, "Who am I ? Who am I?", and all the answers that will be provided
by the mind will be found false, irrelevant. You go on asking, "Who am I?
Who am I? Who am I?" and a point comes where you can no more ask the
question. All the answers fall down, and then the question itself falls down
and disappears. And when even the question, "Who am I?" disappears, you know
who you are.
Gurdjieff tried from one corner: just try to remember you are. Raman
Maharshi tried from another corner. He made it a meditation to ask, to
inquire, "Who am I?" And don't believe in any answers that the mind can
supply. The mind will say, "What nonsense are you asking? You are this, you
are that, you are a man, you are a woman, you are educated or uneducated,
rich or poor." The mind will supply answers, but go on asking. Don't accept
any answer because all the answers given by the mind are false. They are
from the unreal part of you. They are coming from words, they are coming
from scriptures, they are coming from conditioning, they are coming from
society, they are coming from others. Go on asking. Let this arrow of "Who
am I?" penetrate deeper and deeper. A moment will come when no answer will
come.
That is the right moment. Now you are nearing the answer. When no answer
comes, you are near the answer because mind is becoming silent -- or you
have gone far away from the mind. When there will be no answer and a vacuum
will be created all around you, your questioning will look absurd. Whom are
you questioning? There is no one to answer you. Suddenly, even your
questioning will stop. With the questioning, the last part of the mind has
dissolved because this question was also of the mind. Those answers were of
the mind and this question was also of the mind. Both have dissolved, so now
YOU ARE.
Try this. There is every possibility, if you persist, that this technique
can give you a glimpse of the real -- and the real is ever-living.
The second technique:
"WHEREVER SATISFACTION IS FOUND, IN WHATEVER ACT, ACTUALIZE THIS."
You feel thirsty, so you drink water. A subtle satisfaction is attained.
Forget the water, forget the thirst. Remain with the subtle satisfaction
that you are feeling. Be filled with it; simply feel satisfied.
But the human mind is mischievous. It only feels dissatisfactions,
discontent. It never feels satisfaction; it never feels content. If you are
dissatisfied, you will feel it and you will be filled by it. When you are
thirsty, you feel it: you are filled with thirst; you feel it in the throat.
If it grows you feel it all over your body, and a moment will come when it
is not that YOU are thirsty, you will feel that you have become the thirst.
If you are in a desert and there is no hope of getting water, you will not
feel that YOU are thirsty; you will feel that you have become the thirst.
Dissatisfactions are felt, miseries are felt, pains are felt. Whenever you
suffer, you become the suffering. That is why the whole life becomes a hell.
You have never felt the positive; you have always felt the negative. Life is
not such a misery as we have made it; misery is just our interpretation. A
Buddha is happy here and now, in this very life. A Krishna is dancing and
playing on a flute. In this very life here and now, where we are in misery,
Krishna is dancing. Life is neither misery, nor is life bliss. Bliss and
misery are our interpretations, our attitudes, our approaches, how we look
at it. It is your mind -- how it takes it.***************
Remember, and analyze your own life. Have you ever taken account of happy
moments, of contents, of satisfactions, of blissful glimpses? You have not
taken any account, but you have taken every account of your pain, suffering,
misery, and you go on accumulating. You are an accumulated hell, and this is
your own choice. No one else is forcing you into this hell; this is your own
choice. The mind takes the negative, accumulates it and becomes negative
itself. And then this is a self-perpetuating misery. The more negatives you
have within the mind, the more negative you become, the more negatives are
accumulated. The similar attracts the similar, and this has been for lives
and lives. You miss everything because of your negative approach.
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This technique gives you a positive approach, a total reversal to the
ordinary mind and its process. Wherever satisfaction is found, in whatever
act, actualize this, feel it, become one with it. Don't take it just as a
passing phase. The satisfaction can become a glimpse of a greater positive
existence.
Everything is just a window. If you become identified with a pain, you are
looking from a window, and the window of pain, of suffering, opens only
towards hell. If you are one with a satisfactory moment, a blissful moment,
an ecstatic moment, you are opening another window. The existence is the
same, but your windows are different.
Wherever satisfaction is found, in whatsoever act, actualize it -- wherever!
No conditions: wherever! You see a friend and you feel happy; you meet your
lover or beloved and you feel happy: actualize this. Be happiness in that
moment, and make that happiness a door. Then you are changing the mind, and
you will start accumulating happiness. Your mind will turn positive, and the
same world will look different.
One Zen monk, Bokuju, is reported to have said, "The world is the same, but
nothing is the same because the mind changes. Everything remains the same,
but nothing is the same because I am not the same."
You go on trying to change the world, and no matter what you do the world
will remain the same because you remain the same. You can get a bigger
house, you can get a bigger car, you can get a more beautiful wife or a
husband, but nothing will change. The bigger house will not be bigger. The
beautiful wife or husband will not be more beautiful. The bigger car will
remain the smaller one because you are the same. Your mind, your approach,
your ways of seeing are the same. You go on changing things without changing
yourself. So only a miserable person leaves a hut and moves to a palace, but
the miserable person remains the same. He was miserable in a hut; now he
will be miserable in a palace. This misery may be palatial, but he will be
miserable.
You go on carrying your misery with you, and wherever you move you will be
with yourself. So no outer change is basically a change; it is just an
appearance. You simply feel that there has been a change, but there is no
change. Only one change, only one revolution, only one mutation can be
there, and that is if your mind changes from negative to the positive. If
your outlook is focused on misery, you live in hell; if your outlook is
focused on happiness, the very hell becomes the heaven. Try this! This will
change your very quality of life.
But you are interested in quantity. You are interested in how to get more
rich -- in quantity, not in quality. You can have two houses and two cars, a
bigger bank account, many things. Quantity changes: it becomes more and
more. But your quality remains the same, and richness is not of things.
Richness is of the quality of your mind, of your life. Even a poor man can
be a rich man as far as quality is concerned, and even a rich man can be a
poor man. Almost always this is the case, because a person concerned with
things and quantity is totally unaware that a different dimension is there
within him -- the dimension of quality. And that dimension changes only when
your mind is positive.
From tomorrow morning, for the whole day, remember this: whenever you feel
something beautiful, satisfactory, something blissful -- and there are many
moments in a twenty-four-hour day -- be aware of it. There are many moments
when heaven is just near you, but you are so attached and involved with the
hell that you go on missing it. The sun rises, the flowers open, the birds
sing and the breeze blows through the trees. It is happening! A small child
looks at you with innocent eyes, and a subtle feeling of bliss enters into
you.; or someone smiles and you feel blissful.
Look all around, and try to find the blissful; be filled with it. In that
moment forget everything. Be filled with it, taste it, and allow it to
happen to your whole being. Be one with it. The fragrance of it will follow
you. It will go on resounding within you the whole day, and the resounding,
the echoing feeling, will help you to be more positive.
This is accumulative. If you start in the morning, in the evening you will
be more open to the stars, to the moon, to the night, to the darkness. Do it
for twenty-four hours experimentally, just to have a feeling of what it is.
Once you can feel that the positive leads you to a different world because
you become different, you are not going to leave it. The whole emphasis will
have changed from negative to positive. Then you look at the world in a
different, a new way.
I am reminded of one anecdote. One of Buddha's disciples was taking leave
from his master. The disciple's name was Purnakashyapa. He asked Buddha,
"Where am I to go? Where am I to go to preach your message?"
Buddha said, "You yourself can choose where "
So he said, "I will go to a far corner of Bihar" -- It was known as Sukha
-- "I will move to Sukha province."
Buddha said, "It is better if you change your choice because the people of
that province are very cruel, violent, mischievous, and no one has yet dared
to go there to teach them non-violence, love, compassion. So please change
your choice."
But Purnakashyapa said, "Allow me to go there BECAUSE no one has gone
there, and someone has to be there."
Buddha said, "Then I will ask you three questions before I allow you to go.
If the people of that province insult you, humiliate you, how will you feel
it?"
Purnakashyapa said, "I will feel they are very good if they simply insult
me. Then they are not beating me. They are good people; they could have
beaten me."
Buddha said, "Then the second question: if they start beating you, how will
you feel?"
Purnakashyapa said, "I will feel they are very good people. They could have
killed me, but they are simply beating me."
Then Buddha said, "Now the third question: if they really kill you and
murder you, then at the moment when you are dying how will you feel?"
Purnakashyapa said, "I will thank you and them. If they kill me, they will
have freed me of a life where many errors were possible. They will have
freed me so I will feel thankful."
So Buddha said, "Now you can go anywhere. The whole world is heaven for
you. Now there is no problem. The world is a heaven, so you can go
anywhere."
With this mind, nothing is wrong with the world. With your mind, nothing
can be right. With a negative mind, everything is wrong -- not that it is
wrong; it is wrong because a negative mind can see only what is wrong.
"WHEREVER THE SATISFACTION IS FOUND, IN WHATEVER ACT, ACTUALIZE THIS:" This
is a very delicate process, but very sweet also, and the more you proceed in
it, the sweeter it becomes. You will be filled with a new sweetness and
fragrance. Just look for the beautiful; forget the ugly. Then a moment comes
when the ugly also becomes the beautiful. Just look to the happy moment, and
a moment comes when there is nothing which you can call unhappy. There is no
unhappy moment then. Be concerned with the blissful, and sooner or later
there will be no misery. Everything is beautified by a positive mind.
The third technique:
"AT THE POINT OF SLEEP, WHEN THE SLEEP HAS NOT YET COME AND EXTERNAL
WAKEFULNESS VANISHES, AT THIS POINT BEING IS REVEALED."
There are some turning points in your consciousness. At these turning
points you are nearer to your center than at other times. You change gears,
and whenever you change a gear you pass through the neutral gear. That
neutral gear is nearer. In the morning, when sleep is going, vanishing, and
you are feeling awake but not yet awake, just at the midpoint, you are in a
neutral gear. There is a point when you are not asleep and not awake, just
in the middle. There you are in a neutral gear. From sleep to waking, your
consciousness changes the whole mechanism. It jumps from one mechanism to
another. Between the two mechanisms, there is no mechanism; there is a gap.
Through that gap you can have a glimpse of your being. The same happens in
the night when you are again jumping from your waking mechanism to your
sleeping mechanism, from your consciousness to the unconscious. For a single
moment there is no mechanism, no grip of the mechanism on you, because you
have to take a jump from one to another. Between the two if you can be
awake, between the two if you can become aware, between the two if you can
remember yourself, you will have a glimpse of your real being.
How to do it? While going to sleep, relax. Close your eyes, make the room
dark. Just close your eyes and start waiting. The sleep is coming; just
wait, don't do anything, just wait! Your body is relaxing, the body is
becoming heavy: feel it. Have the feeling of it. Sleep has its own
mechanism, it starts working. Your waking consciousness is vanishing.
Remember, because the moment will be very subtle and the moment will be
atomic. If you miss, you miss. It is not a very long period -- a single
moment, a very small gap, and you will change from waking to sleep. Just
wait, fully aware. Go on waiting. This will take time. It takes at least
three months. Only then can you have the glimpse one day of the moment which
is just in the middle. So don't be in a hurry. You cannot do it just now;
you cannot do it tonight. But you have to start and you may have to wait for
months.
Ordinarily, within three months, one day it happens. It is happening every
day, but your awareness and the meeting of the gap cannot be planned. It is
a happening. You just go on waiting, and someday it happens. Someday,
suddenly you become aware that you are neither awake nor asleep -- a very
weird phenomenon. You may even become afraid because you have known only the
two: you know when you are asleep, you know when you are awake. But you
don't know a third point in your being when you are neither. At the first
impact of it you may become afraid and scared. Don't get scared and don't be
afraid. Anything which is so new, unknown previously, is bound to give a
certain fear because this moment, when you will have experienced it again
and again, will give you another feeling also: that you are neither alive
nor dead, neither this nor that. This is an abyss.
These two mechanisms are like two hills; you jump from one peak to another.
If you remain in the middle you fall into an abyss, and the abyss is
bottomless: you go on falling, you go on falling. Sufis have used this
technique, and before they give this technique to a seeker, they give
another practice also just to safeguard. Whenever this technique is given in
Sufi systems, before it another practice is given, and that is to imagine
with closed eyes that you are falling into a deep well -- dark, deep and
bottomless. Just imagine falling into a deep well -- falling and falling and
falling, eternally falling. There is no bottom, you cannot reach to the
bottom. Now this fall cannot stop anywhere. You can stop; you can open your
eyes and say no more, but this fall in itself cannot stop. If you continue,
the well is bottomless, and it gets more and more dark.
In Sufi systems, this well exercise -- this bottomless, dark well exercise
-- is to be practiced first. It is good, helpful. If you have practiced it
and you have realized the beauty of it, the silence, then the deeper you go
into the well, the more silent you become. The world is left far away, and
you feel that you have gone far away, far away, far away. Silence grows with
darkness, and deep down there is no bottom. Fear comes to your mind, but you
know that this is just imagination so you can continue.
Through this exercise, you become capable of this technique, and then, when
you fall into the well between waking and sleeping, it is not imagination;
it is a real fact. And it is bottomless, the abyss is bottomless. That is
why Buddha has called this nothingness emptiness -- SHUNYA. There is no end
to it. Once you know it, you also have become endless. It is difficult to
have this glimpse while awake. Then it is impossible, of course, while you
are asleep because then the mechanism is functioning, and it is difficult to
detach yourself from the mechanism. But there is a moment in the night and
in the morning another moment -- in twenty-four hours there are these two
moments -- when it is very easy, but one has to wait.
"AT THE POINT OF SLEEP, WHEN SLEEP HAS NOT YET COME AND EXTERNAL
WAKEFULNESS VANISHES, AT THIS POINT BEING IS REVEALED:" Then you know who
you are, what is your real being, what is your authentic existence. We are
false while we are awake, and you know it well. You are false while you are
awake. You smile when tears would have been more real. Your tears are also
not believable. They may be just a facade, ceremonial, a duty. Your smile is
false, and those who study faces can say that your smile is just a painted
smile. There are no roots within; the smile is just on your face, just on
your lips. It is nowhere else in your being. There are no roots, there are
no limbs. It is imposed. The smile is not coming from within to without; the
smile has been forced from without.
Whatsoever you say and whatsoever you act is false, and it is not
necessarily the case that you are doing this false business of life
knowingly -- not necessarily! You may be totally unaware -- and you are!
Otherwise it will be very difficult to carry such false nonsense
continuously. It is automatic. This falseness continues while you are awake,
and it continues even while you are asleep -- in a different way, of course.
Your dreams are symbolic, not real. It is surprising that even in your
dreams you are not real, even in your dreams you are afraid, and you create
symbols.
Now psychoanalysis goes on doing this business of analyzing your dreams.
They have a big business because you cannot analyze your own dreams. They
are symbolic, they are not real. They say something only in metaphors. If
you want to kill your mother and get rid of her, you are not going to kill
her even in your dream. You will kill someone else who looks like your
mother. You will kill your aunt or someone else, but not your mother. Even
in dreams you cannot be real. Then psychoanalysis is needed; a professional
is needed to interpret -- but you may describe the whole thing in such a way
that even psychoanalysis is deceived.
Your dreams are also totally false. If you are real while you are awake,
your dreams will be real. They will not be symbolic. If you want to kill
your mother you will see a dream in which you kill your mother, and no
interpreter will be needed to show you what your dream means. But we are so
false. In dream you are alone, still afraid of the world and the society.
To kill a mother is the greatest sin, and I wonder whether you have ever
thought about why to kill a mother is the greatest sin. It is the greatest
sin because everyone feels a deep enmity toward his mother. It is the
greatest sin, and it is taught, your mind is conditioned, that even to think
of harming your mother is a sin. She has given birth to you. All over the
world, in all societies, the same is taught. There is not a single society
on the earth which will not agree to this, that to kill a mother is the
greatest sin. She has given you birth and you are killing her?
But why this teaching? Deep down there is the possibility that everyone
goes against his mother of necessity -- because the mother has not only
given birth to you, she has been the instrument of falsifying you; she has
been the instrument of forcing you to be unreal. She has made you whatsoever
you are. If you are a hell, she has a part in it, the greatest part. If you
are miserable, your mother is there somewhere, hidden in you because the
mother has given you birth, she has brought you up -- or, really, she has
brought you "down" from your reality. She has falsified you. The first
untruth happened between you and your mother; the first lie happened between
you and your mother -- the first lie!
Even when there is no language and the child cannot speak, he can lie. The
child sooner or later becomes aware that many of his feelings are not
approved by his mother. Her face, her eyes, her behavior, her mood,
everything shows that something in him is not accepted, appreciated. Then he
starts suppressing. Something is wrong. There is no language yet; his mind
is not functioning. But his whole body starts suppressing. Then be begins to
feel that sometimes something is appreciated by the mother. He depends on
the mother, his life depends on the mother. If the mother leaves him, he
will be no more. His whole existence is centered on the mother.
Everything the mother shows, does, speaks, behaves, is significant. If the
child smiles, and the mother loves him and gives him warmth and milk and
hugs him, he is learning politics. He will smile while there is no smile in
him because now he knows he can persuade the mother. He will smile a false
smile. Then the liar is born; the politician has come into existence. Now he
knows how to falsify, and this he learns in his relationship with his
mother. This is the first relationship with the world. When he will become
aware of his misery, of his hell, of his confusions, he will find that his
mother is hidden somewhere.
There is every possibility that you may feel inimical towards your mother.
That is why every culture insists that it is the greatest sin to kill your
mother. Even in thought, even in dream, you cannot kill your mother. I am
not saying that you SHOULD kill her, I am simply saying that your dreams are
also false -- symbolic, not real. You are so false that you cannot even
dream a real dream.
These are our two false faces: one is there while you are awake, one is
there while you are asleep. Between these two false faces there is a very
small door, an interval. In that interval you can have a glimpse of your
original face when you were not related to your mother, and through the
mother to the society; when you were alone with yourself; when YOU WERE --
not this and that, there was no division. Only the real was; there was no
unreal. You can have a glimpse of that face, that innocent face between
these two mechanisms.
Ordinarily we are not concerned with dreams, we are concerned with our
waking hours. But psychoanalysis is more concerned with your dreams, not
with your waking hours, because it feels that in waking hours you are a
greater liar. In dreams something can be caught. You are less aware when you
are asleep, and you are not forcing things, you are not manipulating. Then
something real can be caught. You may be a celibate, a monk in your waking
hours, but you have suppressed the sex urge. Then it will force itself into
your dreams; your dreams are going to be sexual. It is very difficult to
find a monk who is without sexual dreams -- rather, impossible. You can find
a criminal without sexual dreams, but you cannot find a religious man
without sexual dreams. A debauchee may be without sexual dreams, but not
so-called saints, because whatsoever you force down while you are awake will
erupt in your dreams and will color your dreams.
Psychoanalysts are not concerned with your waking life because they know it
is totally false. If something of the real can be glimpsed, it can be
glimpsed only through your dreams. But tantra says that even dreams are not
so real. They are more real -- and this will look paradoxical because we
think that dreams are unreal -- they are more real than your waking hours
because then you are less on guard. The censor is asleep, and things can
come up, and the suppressed can express itself -- of course symbolically,
but symbols can be analyzed.
And all over the world human symbols are the same. You may speak a
different language while awake, but while dreaming you speak the same
language. All over the world the dream language is one. If sex is repressed,
then the same symbols will come up. If the urge for food, the urge to eat,
hunger, is repressed, then the same symbols will come -- or similar ones.
The dream language is one, but in dreams there are still problems because
they are symbolic. And a Freud may interpret them in a different way, a Jung
in a different way and an Adler still in a different way. And if you are
analyzed by a hundred psychoanalysts, there will be a hundred
interpretations. You will be still more confused than you were before, more
confused with a hundred interpretations of one thing.
Tantra says in neither waking nor sleeping are you real. You are real only
in between. So don't be concerned with the waking, and don't be concerned
with dreaming and sleep. Be concerned with the gap; be aware of the gap.
While passing from one state to another have a glimpse. And once you know
when the gap comes, you become the master of it. You have the key; you can
open that gap anytime and enter into it. A different dimension of being, the
real dimension, opens.
The fourth technique, and the last:
"ILLUSIONS DECEIVE, COLORS CIRCUMSCRIBE, EVEN DIVISIBLES ARE INDIVISIBLE."
This is a rare technique, one not much used, but one of the greatest
teachers in India, Shankara, has used it, and Shankara has based his whole
philosophy on this technique. You know his philosophy of MAYA -- illusion.
Shankara says everything is illusory. Whatsoever you are seeing, hearing,
feeling, all is illusion. It is not real because the real cannot be
contacted by senses. You are hearing me and I am seeing you hearing me: it
may be just a dream, and there is no way how to judge whether it is a dream
or not. I may be just dreaming that you are here listening to me. How am I
to know that this is real and not a dream? There is no way.
Chuang Tzu is reported to have said that one night he dreamt that he had
become a butterfly. In the morning he was very sad -- and he was not a man
to have sadness, he was never known to be sad. His disciples gathered and
said, "Chuang Tzu, Master, why are you so sad?"
Chuang Tzu said, "Because of a dream."
The disciples laughed and said, "Because of a dream you are sad -- you who
have been always teaching us not to be sad even if the whole world causes
you sadness? And just a dream has caused you sadness? What are you talking
about?"
Chuang Tzu said, "It is such a dream that it causes me very, very deep
confusion, sadness, misery. I dreamt in my dream that I had become a
butterfly."
The disciples said, "What is so puzzling in it?"
Chuang Tzu said, "Now this is the puzzle: if Chuang Tzu can dream that he
can become a butterfly, why not the reverse? The butterfly may dream that it
has become a Chuang Tzu. So now I am disturbed. What is right and what is
wrong? What is real and what is unreal? Was it Chuang Tzu who was dreaming
of becoming a butterfly or has the butterfly now gone to sleep and dreamt
that it has become a Chuang Tzu? If one is possible, then the other is
possible." And it is said that Chuang Tzu never could get over this puzzle.
This remained for his whole life.
How to decide that I am not in a dream talking to you? How to decide that
you are not dreaming I am talking? With senses no decision is possible,
because while dreaming, dreams look real -- as real as anything. When you
dream, you always feel it is real. When dreams can be felt as real, why can
reality not be felt as dream?
Shankara says with senses there is no possibility to know whether the thing
confronting you is real or unreal. And if there is no possibility to know
whether it is real or unreal, Shankara calls it MAYA: it is illusion.
Illusion doesn't mean unreal. Illusion means an impossibility to decide
whether it is real or unreal -- remember this.
In Western languages MAYA has been translated very wrongly, and it gives
the feeling in Western terms that "illusion" means "unreal." It does not!
"Illusion" means the inability to decide whether the thing is real or
unreal. This confusion is MAYA.
This whole world is MAYA, a confusion. You cannot decide; you cannot be
decisive about it. It is always escaping you, always changing, turning into
something else. It is fantasy, a dreamlike thing. This technique is
concerned with this philosophy. "ILLUSIONS DECEIVE:" or, that which deceives
is illusion -- "COLORS CIRCUMSCRIBE, EVEN DIVISIBLES ARE INDIVISIBLE:" In
this world of illusion nothing is certain. This whole world is like
rainbows. They appear to be, but they are not. If you are far away they are,
but if you come nearer they dissolve. The nearer you come, the more they are
not. If you reach to a point where you were seeing a rainbow, it is no more
there.
The whole world is like rainbow colors, and it is so. When you are far away
everything is hopeful; when you come nearer the hope disappears. And when
you reach the goal, only ashes are there -- just a dead rainbow. The colors
have disappeared, and things as they appeared are not. As you feel them to
be, they are not.
"EVEN DIVISIBLES ARE INDIVISIBLE:" Your whole mathematics, your whole
calculating system, all your concepts, all your philosophy, just become
futile. If you try to understand this illusion, your very effort confuses
you more. Nothing is certain there; everything is uncertain -- a flux, a
flux of change, with no possibility for you to decide whether this or that
is true or false. What will happen? If you take this attitude, what will
happen? If you really go deep in this attitude that everything which cannot
be decided is illusory, you will automatically, spontaneously turn to
yourself. Then the only point where you can have a center is in your own
being. That is certain.
Try to understand this: I may dream in the night that I have become a
butterfly, and I cannot decide in that dream whether this is real or unreal.
In the morning I may be puzzled like Chuang Tzu whether instead the
butterfly may have been dreaming. These are two dreams, and there is no way
to compare which is real and which is unreal.
But Chuang Tzu is missing one thing -- the dreamer. He is thinking only of
dreams, comparing dreams and missing the dreamer -- the one who dreams that
Chuang Tzu has become a butterfly, the one who is thinking that it may be
quite the reverse: that the butterfly is dreaming that she has become Chuang
Tzu. Who is this observer? Who was asleep and is now awake? You may be
unreal, you may be a dream to me, but "I" cannot be a dream to myself,
because even for a dream to exist a real dreamer is needed. Even for a false
dream a real dreamer is needed. Even a dream cannot exist without a real
dreamer. So forget dream. This technique says forget dream. The whole world
is illusion, you are not. So don't go after the world, there is no
possibility to gain certainty there. And now this appears to be proven even
by scientific research.
For the last three centuries science was certain, and Shankara looked to be
just a philosophical mind, poetic. For three centuries science was certain,
but now, during these two last decades, science has become uncertain. Now
the greatest scientists say nothing is certain, and with matter we will
never be certain. Everything has again become uncertain. Everything looks
like a flux, changing. Only appearance looks certain. The deeper you go, the
more everything becomes uncertain, indefinite. Shankara says, and tantra has
always been saying, that the world is illusory. Even before Shankara was
born, tantra was preaching one technique -- that the whole world is
illusory, so think of it as a dream. If you can think of it as a dream --
and if you think at all, you will come to realize it as a dream -- then your
whole focus of consciousness will turn inwards, because there is a deep urge
to find the truth, the real.
If the whole world is unreal, then there is no shelter in it. Then you are
moving after, following shadows, and wasting time and life and energy. Then
move inward.s One thing is certain: "I am." Even if the whole world is
illusory, one thing is certain: there is someone who knows this is illusory.
The knowledge may be illusory, the known may be illusory, but the knower
cannot be. This is the only certainty, the only rock on which you can stand.
This technique says look at the world: it is a dream, illusory, and nothing
is as it appears. It is just a rainbow. Go deep in this feeling. You will be
thrown to yourself. With that coming to one's own self, you come to a
certain truth, to something which is indubitable, which is absolute.
Science can never be absolute. It is going to be relative. Only religion
can be absolute because it searches not the dream, it searches for the
dreamer; not for the observed, but for the observer, the seer, the one who
is aware.
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