VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL1
Ordinary love and the love of a buddha
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL1
Ordinary love and the love of a buddha
IT SEEMS VERY DIFFICULT TO LOVE SOMEONE FOR TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY. WHY
DOES IT HAPPEN SO? SHOULD LOVE BE A CONTINUOUS PROCESS? AND AT WHICH STAGE
DOES LOVE BECOME DEVOTION?
Love
is not an act; it is not something that you do. If you do it, it is not
love. No doing is involved in love; it is a state of being, not an act. No
one can do anything continuously for twenty-four hours. If you are doing
love, then of course you cannot do it for twenty-four hours. With any act
you will get tired; with any act you get bored. And then, after any act, you
have to relax. So if you are doing love, you will have to relax into hate,
because you can relax only into the opposite.
That is why our love is always mixed with hatred. You love this moment, and
the next moment you hate the same person. The same person becomes the object
of both love and hate; that is the conflict of lovers. Because your love is
an act, that is why there is this misery.
So the first thing to be understood is that love is not an act; you cannot
do it. You can be in love, but you cannot "do" love. Doing is absurd. But
other things are also implied. It is not an effort because if it were an
effort you would get tired. It is a state of mind.
And do not think in terms of relationship, think in terms of states of
mind. If you are in love, this is a state of mind. This state of mind may be
focused on one person or it may be unfocused - on the whole. When it is
focused on one person, it is known as love. When it becomes unfocused, it
becomes prayer. Then you are just in love - not with someone, but just in
love, as you are breathing.
If breathing were an effort you would get tired of it, and you would have
to relax and then you would die. If it were an effort, then at some time you
might forget to do it and then you would die. Love is just like breathing:
it is a higher plane of breathing. If you do not breathe, your body will
die. If you are not in love, your spirit cannot be born.
So take love as a breathing of the soul. When you are in love your soul
becomes vital, alive, just like it is breathing. But think in this way. If I
say to you, "Only breathe when you are near me and do not breathe anywhere
else," then you will die. And the next time you will be near me you will be
just dead and you will not even be able to breathe near me.
That has happened with love. We possess -- the love object is possessed and
the lover says, "Don't love anybody else. Only love me." Then the love is
atrophied and then the lover cannot love, it becomes impossible. It doesn't
mean that you have to love everyone, but you have to be in a loving state of
mind. It is just like breathing: even if your enemy is there you will
breathe.
That is the meaning of Jesus' saying, "Love your enemy." It has been a
problem for Christianity, how to understand this saying, "Love your enemy."
It seems contradictory. But if loving is not an act, if it is just a state
of mind, then there is no question of enemy or friend. You are in love.
Look at it from the other side. There are persons who are continuously in
hate, and whenever they try to show love they have to make much effort.
Their love is an effort because their continuous state of mind is hate. That
is why effort is needed. There are persons who are continuously sad; then
their laughter is an effort. They have to fight against themselves. Then
their laughter becomes a painted laughter - just false, imposed, put
together, not coming from deep within but just arranged, no spontaneity in
it but just artificial.
There are persons who are continuously in anger - not angry at something or
someone, just angry. Then love becomes an effort. On the other hand, if love
is your state of mind, anger will be an effort. You can do it, but you
cannot be angry. Then you will have to create it artificially; it will be
false.
If a buddha tries to be angry, much effort will be needed, and then too it
will be false. And only those who do not know him can be deceived. Those who
know him, they know that that anger is false, just painted, created. It is
not coming from within; that is impossible. A Buddha, a Jesus, cannot hate.
Then effort is needed. If they want to show hatred, then they will have to
do it.
But you do not need any effort to be hateful; you need effort to be loving.
Change the state of mind. How to change the state of mind? How to be loving?
And it is not a question of time, of how to be loving twenty-four hours a
day. This is absurd -- this question is absurd.
It is not a question of time. If you can be loving in a single moment that
is enough, because you never have two moments together. Only one moment is
given. When one is lost, a second is given. You have only one moment always
with you. If you know how to be loving in one single moment, you know the
secret. You need not think about twenty-four hours, or of the whole life.
Only a single moment of love and you know how to fill a moment with love.
Then the second moment will be given to you, and you can fill that second
moment also with love. So remember, it is not a question of time. There is a
question only of a single moment, and a single moment is not part of time. A
single moment is not a process; a single moment is just now.
Once you know how to enter a single moment with love, you have entered
eternity: time is no more. A buddha lives in the now; you live in time. Time
means thinking of the past, thinking of the future. And while you are
thinking of the past and of the future, the present is lost.
You are engaged with the future and the past, and the present is being lost
- and the present is the only existence. The past is no more and the future
has yet to be: they both are not, they are non-existential. This very
moment, this single atomic moment, is the only existence - here and now. If
you know to be loving, you know the secret. And you will never be given two
moments together, so you need not bother about time.
A single moment is always - and it is always in the shape of now. Remember,
there are not really two types of "nows." This single moment is the same; it
doesn't differ in any way from the moment that has gone before it, and it
doesn't differ in any way from the moment that is going to follow it.
This atomic now is always the same. That is why Eckhart says, "It is not
that time passes. Time remains the same. Rather, we go on passing." Pure
time remains the same; we go on passing. So do not think about twenty-four
hours, and then you need not think of the present moment.
One thing more. Thinking needs time; living doesn't need time. You cannot
think in this very moment. In this very moment, if you want to be you will
have to cease thinking, because thinking is basically concerned with either
the past or the future. Of what can you think in the present? The moment you
think, it has become the past.
A flower is there -- you say this is a beautiful flower. This saying is now
no more in the present; it has become the past. When you come to grasp
something in thinking, it has become the past. In the present you can be,
but you cannot think. You can be with the flower, but you cannot think about
it. Thinking needs time.
So in another way, thinking is time. If you do not think, there is no time.
That is why in meditation you feel a timelessness. That is why in love you
feel a timelessness. Love is not thinking, it is a cessation of thought. You
are! When you are with your beloved, you are not thinking about love, you
are not thinking about the beloved. You are not thinking at all. And if you
are thinking, then you are not with your beloved, you are somewhere else.
Thinking means absence from the now... you are not there.
That is why those who are too much obsessed with thinking cannot love,
because even when they are there, even if they reach to the original divine
source, even if they meet God, they will go on thinking about him and they
will miss him completely. You can go on thinking about and about and about,
but it is never the fact.
A moment of love is a timeless moment. Then there is no question of
thinking how to love twenty-four hours. You never think about how to live
twenty-four hours, how to be alive twenty-four hours. Either you are alive
or you are not. So the basic thing to be understood is not time, but now -
how to be here and now in a state of love.
Why is there hate? When you feel hatred, go to the cause of it. Only then
can love flower. When do you feel hatred? When you feel that your existence,
your life, is in danger, when you feel that your existence can be
annihilated, suddenly hate surges in you. When you feel that you can be
destroyed, you start destroying others. That is a safety measure. It is just
a part of you that is struggling for survival. Whenever you feel that your
existence is in danger, you are filled with hatred.
So unless you come to feel that your existence cannot be in danger, that it
is impossible to annihilate you, you cannot be filled with love. A Jesus can
be in love because he knows something which is deathless. You cannot be in
love because you know only that which belongs to death. And every moment
death is there; every moment you are afraid. How can you love when you are
afraid? Love cannot exist with fear. And fear is there, so you can only
create a make-believe that you love.
And again, your love is really nothing but a safety measure. You love so
that you will not fear. Whenever you believe that you are in love, you are
less afraid. For the moment you can forget death. An illusion is created in
which you can feel that you are accepted by the existence; you are not
denied, rejected. That is why there is so much need of love and of being
loved.
Whenever you are being loved by someone, you create around you an illusion
that you are needed by the existence - at least by someone. You are needed
by someone, so you are not just futile. You are not just accidental -- you
are needed somewhere. Without you the existence will miss something. That
gives you a feeling of well-being. You feel a purpose, a destiny, a meaning,
a worthiness.
When you are not loved by anyone you feel rejected, you feel denied, you
feel meaningless. Then you feel there is no purpose, no destiny. If no one
loves you and you die, there will be no feeling of your absence, it will not
be felt that you are no more. No one will feel that you were, and now you
are no more.
Love gives you the feeling of being needed. That is why in love one becomes
or feels less afraid. Whenever love is not there you become more fearful,
and in fear, as a protection, you become hateful. Hate is a protection. You
are afraid of being destroyed; you become destructive.
In love, you feel that you are accepted, welcome -- not an uninvited guest,
but rather that you are invited, welcome, waited for, received, that the
existence is happy that you are. The one who loves you becomes the
representative of the whole existence. But this love is basically
fear-based. You are protecting against fear, against death, against the
inhuman indifference of existence.
Really, existence is indifferent - at least on the surface. The sun, the
sea, the stars, the earth, they are totally indifferent to you; no one is
worried about you. And it is apparently clear that you are not needed.
Without you everything will be as good as it is with you; nothing will be
lost. Look at the existence superficially: no one, nothing, cares about you.
They may not even be aware of you. The stars are not aware of you; even the
earth which you call Mother is not aware of you. And when you die, the earth
will not be sad. Nothing will have changed; things will be as they are and
as they always have been. With you or without you, there is no difference.
You feel you are just an accident. You were not needed; uninvited you have
come... just a chance product. This creates fear. This is what Kierkegaard
calls "anguish." There is a subtle continuous fear -- you are not needed.
When someone loves you, you feel that a different dimension has come into
existence. Now at least one person will be there who will weep, who will
feel sorry, who will be sad. There will be tears; you will be needed. At
least there will be one person who will always feel your absence if you are
not. At least for one you have gained a destiny, a purpose.
That is why there is so much need of love. And if you are not loved, you
are uprooted. But this love is not the love I am talking about. This is a
relationship and a mutual creation of illusion - a mutual illusion: "I need
you, you need me. I give you this illusion that without you my purpose, my
meaning, my life will be lost; you give me this illusion that without me
everything will be lost. So we both are helping each other to be in an
illusion. We are creating one separate, private existence in which we become
meaningful, in which the whole indifference of this vast space is
forgotten."
Two lovers live in each other; they have created a private world. That is
why love needs so much privacy. If you are not in privacy, the world goes on
impinging upon you. It goes on telling you that whatsoever you are doing is
just a dream, and this is a mutual illusion. Love needs privacy because then
the whole world is forgotten. Only two lovers exist, and the indifference,
the total indifference of existence, is forgotten. You feel loved, welcomed.
Without you nothing will be the same. At least in this private world nothing
will be the same without you.Life is meaningful.
I am not talking about this love. This is really illusory. It is a
cultivated illusion, and man is so weak that he cannot live without this
illusion. Those who can, they live without this illusion. A buddha can live
without this illusion, and then he will not create it.
When it becomes possible to live illusion-lessly - to live without illusion
-- a second, a different dimension of love comes into being. It is not that
one person needs you. It is coming to understand, to realize that you are
not different from this existence which looks so indifferent. You are part
of it, organically one with it. And if a tree is flowering, it is not
separate from you. You have flowered in the tree and the tree has become
conscious in you.
The sea and the sand and the stars, they are one with you. You are not an
island, you are organically one with this universe. The whole universe is
within you and the whole of you is in this universe. Unless you come to know
it and feel it and realize it, you will not get that love which is a state
of mind.
If you come to realize this, you will not need to create a private illusion
that someone loves you. Then there is meaning, and if no one loves you, no
meaning is lost. Then you are not afraid at all because even death will not
annihilate you. It may annihilate the form, it may annihilate the body, but
it cannot annihilate you because you are the existence.
This is what happens in meditation. This is for what meditation is meant.
In it you become a part, an opening. You come to feel, "Existence and I are
one." Then you are welcomed, and there is no fear and there is no death.
Then love flows from you. Then love is not an effort -- you cannot do
anything except love. Then it is like breathing. Deep inside you breathe
love; in and out you breathe love.
This love grows into devotion. Then ultimately you will even forget, it
just as you forget your breathing. When do you remember your breathing? Have
you observed? You remember only when something is wrong. When you feel any
difficulty, then you know that you have been breathing; otherwise there is
no need even to be aware of it. And if you are aware of your breathing, that
shows that something is wrong with your breathing process. There is no need
of being aware of the breathing process. Silently it goes on.
So when you are aware of your love, the love that is a state of mind, it
means that something is still wrong. By and by even that awareness is lost.
You simply breathe love in and out. You have forgotten everything, even that
you love. Then it has become devotion. That is the ultimate peak, the
ultimate possibility -- you may call it anything.
Love can become devotion only when this awareness is lost, forgotten. It
doesn't mean that you have become unconscious, it only means that the
process has become so silent that there is no noise around it. You are not
unconscious of it, but you are not conscious of it either. It has become so
natural. It is there, but it does not create any disturbance inside; it has
become so harmonious.
So remember, when I am talking about love, I am not talking about your
love. But if you try to understand your love, it will become a step toward
growing into a different kind of love. So I am not against your love. I am
simply stating the fact that if your love is fear-based, it is just
ordinary, animal love. And no derogation, no condemnation is implied; it is
simply a fact.
Man is afraid. He needs someone who gives him the feeling that he is
welcomed, he need not be afraid. At least with one person you need not be
filled with fear. This is good as far as it goes, but this is not what
Buddha or Jesus called love. They called love a state of mind, not a
relationship. So go beyond relationship, and by and by just be loving. First
you will not be capable of it unless you move into meditation. Unless you
come to know the deathless within, unless you come to know a deep unity
between the inner and the outer, unless you feel that you are existence, it
will be difficult.
So these techniques of meditation are just to help you grow from
relationship into a state of mind. And do not think of time at all, time is
irrelevant for love.
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The second question:
Question 2
MOST OF THE TECHNIQUES WHICH YOU HAVE DISCUSSED HAVE USED THE BODY AS AN
INSTRUMENT. WHAT ARE THE REASONS FOR THE BODY TO BE GIVEN SO MUCH IMPORTANCE
BY TANTRA?
Many basic points are to be understood. One, you are your body. Right now
you are just your body and nothing else. You may have notions about the
soul, the ATMAN, etc -- those are simply notions, just ideas.As you are
right now you are just a body. And do not go on deceiving yourself that you
are the deathless soul, the immortal atman. Do not go on deceiving yourself.
That is just an idea, and that idea too is fear-based.
You do not know whether the soul exists or not; you have never penetrated
to the innermost core where one realizes the deathless. You have only heard
about it, and you cling to the idea because you are afraid of death. You
know death is real, so you go on wishing and believing that something in you
must be there which is deathless. This is a wish fulfillment.
I am not saying that there is no soul, I am not saying that there is
nothing which is deathless. No, I am not saying that. But as far as you are
concerned, you are just the body with an idea that there is a soul which is
deathless. This is just in the mind, and this too you have collected because
of the fear. That is why the weaker you will become, the older, the more you
will become a believer in the immortal soul and God. Then you will go to the
church or the temple or the mosque. If you go to the mosque or the church or
the temple, you will find that old men, just on the verge of death, are
gathered there.
Youth is basically atheistic; always this has been so. The younger you are,
the less theistic. The younger you are, the more you are an unbeliever. Why?
Because you are still strong and you feel less fear, and you are still
ignorant of death. Death is far away somewhere, it happens only to others.
It happens only to others, not to you. But the older you grow, you will by
and by begin to feel that now it is going to happen to you also.
Death comes near, and one begins to believe. So all beliefs are fear-based.
All beliefs are fear-based! And one who believes because of fear is really
deceiving himself. You are the body right now -- this is a fact. You do not
know anything about the deathless, you know only about the "deathful." But
the deathless is there; you can know it. Believing won't do, only knowing
can help. You can realize it, but just ideas are of no use unless they
become a concrete experience.
So do not be deceived by ideas and do not take ideas and beliefs for
experiences. That is why tantra always starts with the body -- because that
is a fact. You have to start from the body because you are in the body. And
that too is not right. When I say you are in the body, that too is not
right. As far as you are concerned you ARE the body, not IN the body. You do
not know anything about what is in the body, you know only the body. That
experience of something beyond body is still far away.
If you go to metaphysicians, to theologians, they are going to start with
the soul. But tantra is absolutely scientific. It starts from where you are,
not from where you can be. Starting from where you can be is absurd -- you
cannot start from where you can be, you can start only from where you are.
Tantra has no condemnation against the body. Tantra is a total acceptance
of things as they are. Christian theologians, and those of other religions
also, are condemnatory, against the body. They create a dualism, a
dichotomy, that you are two. And the body is the enemy, the evil for them,
so fight with it. This duality is basically wrong, and this duality will
divide your mind into two and will create a split personality.
Religions have helped the human mind to be schizophrenic. Any division will
divide you deeply, and you will become two, or you will become many. And
everyone is a crowd of many divisions, with no organic unity and with no
center. You are not an individual as far as the meaning of the word is
concerned. The word means indivisible: `individual' means indivisible. But
you are just divided into many things.
Not only are your mind and your body divided, your soul and your body are
divided also. The nonsense has gone so deep that even the body is divided:
the lower body is evil and the upper body is good. It is stupid, but it is
there. Even you yourself cannot feel at ease with your lower body. Some
uneasiness creeps in. There is division and division and division...
Tantra accepts everything. Whatsoever is, is accepted wholeheartedly. That
is why tantra could accept sex totally. For five thousand years tantra has
been the only tradition which has accepted sex totally, the only one all
over the world. Why? Because sex is the point where you are, and any
movement is going to be from the point where you are.
You are at the sex center; your energy is at the sex center. And from that
point it has to move up, far beyond. If you reject the center itself, then
you can go on deceiving yourself that you are moving, but you cannot move.
Then you are rejecting the only point from where movement is possible. So
tantra accepts the body, accepts sex, accepts everything. And tantra says,
wisdom accepts everything and transforms it; only ignorance rejects. Only
ignorance rejects -- wisdom accepts everything. Even a poison can become a
medicine, but only through wisdom.
The body can become a vehicle to that which is beyond body, and sex energy
can become a spiritual force. And remember, when you ask, "what are the
reasons that the body is given so much importance in tantra?" why do you
ask? Why?
You are born as a body; you live as a body; you become ill as a body; you
are treated, given medicine, helped, made whole and healthy, as a body. You
become young as a body, you will become old as a body, you will die as a
body. Your whole life is body-centered - centered around the body. You will
love someone. You will make love to someone and you will create other
bodies; you will reproduce other bodies.
What are you doing the whole life? Preserving yourself. What are you
preserving with food, with water, with shelter? The body is preserved. What
are you doing by reproducing children? The body is being reproduced. The
whole life, ninety-nine point nine percent, is body-oriented. You can go
beyond, but that journey has to be through the body, by the body, and you
have to use the body. But why do you ask? Because the body is just the outer
thing. Deep down the body is a symbol of sex.
So those traditions which are against sex will be against the body. Those
traditions which are not against sex can only be friendly toward the body.
Tantra is absolutely friendly, and tantra says that the body is sacred,
holy. For tantra, to condemn the body is a sacrilege. To say that the body
is impure or to say that the body is sin is nonsense for tantra - a very
poisonous teaching. Tantra accepts the body - not only accepts it, but says
that the body is holy, pure, innocent. You can use it and you can make it a
vehicle, a medium, to go beyond! It helps even in going beyond.
But if you start fighting with body, you are lost. If you start fighting
with it, you will become more and more diseased. And if you go on fighting
with it, you will miss an opportunity. Fighting is negative; tantra is a
positive transformation. Do not fight with it -- there is no need. It is as
if you are sitting in a car and you start fighting with the car. Then you
cannot move because you are fighting with the vehicle -- which has to be
used, not fought against. And you will destroy the vehicle by your fighting,
and then it will be more and more difficult to move.
The body is a beautiful vehicle - very mysterious, very complex. Use it, do
not fight with it. Help it. The moment you go against it you are going
against yourself. It is as if a man wants to reach somewhere, but he fights
with his own legs and cuts them. Tantra says, know the body and know the
secrets of it. Know the energies of it and know how those energies can be
transformed - how they can be moved and turned into different dimensions.
For example, take sex, which is the basic energy in the body. Ordinarily,
sex energy is just used for reproduction. One body creates another body and
it goes on. The biological utility of sex energy is only in reproduction.
But that is only one of the uses, and the lowest. No condemnation is
implied, but it is the lowest. The same energy can do other creative acts
also. Reproduction is a basic creative act -- you create something. That is
why a woman feels a subtle well-being when she becomes a mother: she has
created something.
Psychologists say that because man cannot reproduce like woman, because man
cannot become a mother, he feels a certain unease, and to destroy that
unease or to overcome it he goes on creating other things. He will paint, he
will do something in which he becomes a creator, in which he becomes a
mother. That is one of the reasons why women are less creative and men are
more creative - because women have a natural dimension in which to be
creative. They can become mothers and they can have a fulfillment, an easy
fulfillment. A deep biological creativity is felt.
But man lacks that and feels somewhere an imbalance. He wants to create, so
he will substitute something. He will paint, he will sing, he will dance. He
will do something in which he also becomes a mother. Sex energy,
psychologists say now -- and tantra has always been saying that -- is always
the source of all creation. So it happens that if a painter is really deep
in his creation, he may forget sex completely. When a poet is very involved
with his poetry, he will forget sex completely. He need not force any
BRAHMACHARYA, any celibacy, upon himself.
Only monks, non-creative monks living in a monastery, need to force
brahmacharya - because if you are creative, the same energy which moves
through sex moves into creation. You can forget it completely, and there is
no need to make any effort to forget it because that is impossible. You
cannot make any effort to forget anything, because the very effort will make
you remember it again and again. That is futile - in fact, suicidal. You
cannot try to forget anything.
That is why those who force themselves to be brahmacharis ,celibates,
become simply cerebral sex perverts. Then sex revolves in the mind: the
whole thing goes on in the mind - not in the body, but in the mind. And that
is worse, because then the mind becomes totally mad. Any creativity will
help sex to disappear.
Tantra says, if you move into meditation sex will disappear completely; it
can disappear completely. The whole energy is being absorbed at higher
centers -- and your body has many centers. Sex is the lowest center, and man
exists at the lowest center. The more energy moves higher, the more the
higher centers begin to flower. When the same energy comes to the heart,
then it becomes love. When the same energy comes higher still, new
dimensions and new experiences begin to flower. And when the same energy is
at the highest, at the last peak in your body, it has reached that which
tantra calls SAHASRAR - the last chakra in the head.
Sex is the lowest chakra and sahasrar is the highest, and between these two
the sex energy moves. It can be released from the sex center. When it is
released from the sex center you become a cause to reproduce someone else.
When the same energy is released from the sahasrar, from the head into the
cosmos, you give a new birth to yourself. It is also reproduction, but not
biologically. Then it is spiritually a reproduction; then you are reborn. In
India we used to call such a person "twice-born" - DWIJ. Now he has given
himself a new birth. The same energy has moved.
Tantra has no condemnations, only secret techniques for how to transform.
That is why tantra talks so much about the body -- it is needed. The body
has to be understood, and you can start only from where you are.
The third question:
Question 3
YOU SAID THAT LOVE CAN MAKE YOU FREE. BUT ORDINARILY WE SEE THAT LOVE
BECOMES ATTACHMENT, AND INSTEAD OF FREEING US IT MAKES US MORE BOUND. SO
TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT ATTACHMENT AND FREEDOM.
Love becomes attachment because there is no love. You were just playing,
deceiving yourself. The attachment is the reality; the love was just a
foreplay. So whenever you fall in love, sooner or later you discover you
have become an instrument - and then the whole misery begins. What is the
mechanism? Why does it happen?
Just a few days ago a man came to me and he was feeling very guilty. He
said, "I loved a woman. I loved her very much. The day she died I was
weeping and crying, but suddenly I became aware of a certain freedom within
me, as if some burden had left me. I felt a deep breath, as if I had become
free."
That moment he became aware of a second layer of his feeling. Outwardly he
was weeping and crying and saying, "I cannot live without her. Now it will
be impossible, or the life will be just like death. But deep down," he said,
"I became aware that I am feeling very good, that now I am free."
A third layer began to feel guilt. It said to him, "What are you doing?"
And the dead body was lying there just before him, he said to me, and he
began to feel a great deal of guilt. He said to me, "Help me. What has
happened to my mind? Have I betrayed her so soon?"
Nothing has happened; no one has betrayed. When love becomes attachment, it
becomes a burden, a bondage. But why does love become an attachment? The
first thing to be understood is that if love becomes an attachment, you were
just in an illusion that it was love. You were just playing with yourself
and thinking that this was love. Really, you were in need of attachment. And
if you go still deeper, you will find that you were also in need of becoming
a slave.
There is a subtle fear of freedom, and everyone wants to be a slave.
Everyone, of course, talks about freedom, but no one has the courage to be
really free, because when you are really free you are alone. If you have the
courage to be alone, then only can you be free.
But no one is courageous enough to be alone. You need someone. Why do you
need someone? You are afraid of your own loneliness. You become bored with
yourself. And really, when you are lonely, nothing seems meaningful. With
someone you are occupied, and you create artificial meanings around you.
You cannot live for yourself, so you start to live for someone else. And
the same is the case with the someone else also: he, or she, cannot live
alone, so he is in search to find someone. Two persons who are afraid of
their own loneliness come together and they start a play - a play of love.
But deep down they are searching for attachment, commitment, bondage.
So sooner or later, whatsoever you desire happens. This is one of the most
unfortunate things in this world. Whatsoever you desire comes to happen. You
will get it sooner or later and the foreplay will disappear. When its
function is done, it will disappear. When you have become a wife and
husband, slaves to each other, when marriage has happened, love will
disappear because love was just an illusion in which two persons could
become slaves to each other.
Directly you cannot ask for slavery; it is too humiliating. And directly
you cannot say to someone, "Become my slave."He will revolt. Nor can you
say, "I want to become a slave to you," so you say, "I cannot live without
you." But the meaning is there; it is the same. And when this - the real
desire - is fulfilled, love disappears. Then you feel bondage, slavery, and
then you start struggling to become free.
Remember this. It is one of the paradoxes of the mind: whatsoever you get
you will get bored with, and whatsoever you do not get you will long for.
When you are alone, you will long for some slavery, some bondage. When you
are in bondage, you will begin to long for freedom. Really, only slaves long
for freedom, and free people try again to be slaves. The mind goes on like a
pendulum, moving from one extreme to the other.
Love doesn't become attachment. Attachment was the need; love was just a
bait. You were in search of a fish named attachment: love was just a bait to
catch the fish. When the fish is caught, the bait is thrown. Remember this,
and whenever you are doing something, go deep within yourself to find out
the basic cause.
If there is real love, it will never become attachment. What is the
mechanism for love to become attachment? The moment you say to your lover or
beloved, "Love only me," you have started possessing. And the moment you
possess someone you have insulted him deeply, because you have made him into
a thing.
When I possess you, you are not a person then, but just one more item
amongst my furniture - a thing. Then I use you, and you are my thing, my
possession, so I won't allow anyone else to use you. It is a bargain in
which I am possessed by you, and you make me a thing. It is the bargain that
now no one else can use you. Both partners feel bound and enslaved. I make a
slave of you, then you in return make a slave of me.
Then the struggle starts. I want to be a free person, and still I want you
to be possessed by me; you want to retain your freedom and still possess me
-- this is the struggle. If I possess you, I will be possessed by you. If I
do not want to be possessed by you, I should not possess you.
Possession should not come in between. We must remain individuals and we
must move as independent, free consciousnesses. We can come together, we can
merge into each other, but no one possesses. Then there is no bondage and
then there is no attachment.
Attachment is one of the ugliest things. And when I say ugliest, I do not
mean only religiously, I mean aesthetically also. When you are attached, you
have lost your loneliness, your aloneness: you have lost everything. Just to
feel good that someone needs you and someone is with you, you have lost
everything, you have lost yourself.
But the trick is that you try to be independent and you make the other the
possession - and the other is doing the same. So do not possess if you do
not want to be possessed.
Jesus said somewhere, "Judge ye not so that ye should not be judged." It is
the same: "Possess not so that ye should not be possessed." Do not make
anyone a slave; otherwise you will become a slave.
So-called masters are always slaves of their own slaves. You cannot become
a master of some one without becoming a slave -- that is impossible.
You can only be a master when no one is a slave to you. This seems
paradoxical, because when I say you can only be a master when no one is a
slave to you, you will say, "Then what is the mastery? How am I a master
when no one is a slave to me?" But I say only then are you a master. Then no
one is a slave to you and no one will try to make a slave out of you.
To love freedom, to try to be free, means basically that you have come to a
deep understanding of yourself. Now you know that you are enough unto
yourself. You can share with someone, but you are not dependent. I can share
myself with someone. I can share my love, I can share my happiness, I can
share my bliss, my silence, with someone. But that is a sharing, not a
dependence. If no one is there, I will be just as happy, just as blissful.
If someone is there, that is also good and I can share.
When you realize your inner consciousness, your center, only then will love
not become an attachment. If you do not know your inner center, love will
become an attachment. If you know your inner center, love will become
devotion. But you must first be there to love, and you are not.
Buddha was passing trough a village. One young man came to him and said,
"Teach me something: how can I serve others?" Buddha laughed at him and
said, "First be. Forget others. First be yourself and then everything will
follow."
Right now you are not. When you say, "When I love someone it becomes an
attachment," you are saying you are not, so whatsoever you do goes wrong
because the doer is absent. The inner point of awareness is not there, so
whatsoever you do goes wrong. First BE, and then you can share your being.
And that sharing will be love. Before that, whatsoever you do will become an
attachment.
And lastly: if you are struggling against attachment, you have taken a
wrong turn. You can struggle. So many monks, recluses, sannyasins are doing
that. They feel that they are attached to their house, to their property, to
their wives, to their children, and they feel caged, imprisoned. They
escape, they leave their homes, they leave their wives, they leave their
children and possessions, and they become beggars and escape to a forest, to
a loneliness. But go and observe them. They will become attached to their
new surroundings.
I was visiting a friend who was a recluse living under a tree in a deep
forest, but there were other ascetics also. One day it happened that I was
staying with this recluse under his tree, and a new seeker came while my
friend was absent. He had gone to the river to take a bath. Under his tree
the new sannyasin started meditating.
The man came back from the river, and he pushed that new man away from the
tree and said, "This is my tree. You go and find another, somewhere else. No
one can sit under my tree." And this man had left his house, his wife, his
children. Now the tree had become a possession -- you cannot meditate under
his tree.
You cannot escape so easily from attachment. It will take new forms, new
shapes. You will be deceived, but this will be there. So do not fight with
attachment, just try to understand why it is there. And then know the deep
cause: because you are not, this attachment is there.
Inside, you your own self is so much absent that you try to cling to
anything in order to feel safe. You are not rooted, so you try to make
anything your roots. When you are rooted in your self, when you know who you
are, what this being is which is in you and what this consciousness is which
is in you, then you will not cling to anyone.
That doesn't mean you will not love. Really, only then can you love because
then sharing is possible - and with no conditions, with no expectations. You
simply share because you have an abundance, because you have so much it is
overflowing.
This overflowing of yourself is love. And when this overflowing becomes a
flood, when by your own overflowing the whole universe is filled and your
love touches the stars, in your love the earth feels good and in your love
the whole universe is bathed, then it is devotion.
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